A walk

Juliette was walking to the store getting some bread and milk. While doing so, she ran into a goat. The goat was unfriendly and thankfully fell over. Juliette said, "You left your bridge! You must be lost."
The goat replied, "Loser." and then ran away.
The end.

A Note to a Suicide Prevention Worker

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by donald Whyte

A couple of nights ago my wife and I were having a discussion about suicide and suicide prevention. A course was to be offered to the public on suicide intervention.

During this conversation my mind wandered to the Artic and the tradegy that is, up there and for that matter, around us at all times. I remembered the death of my partner’s beautiful 18-year-old daughter whom I’d know since birth and had washed dishes with; a 20-year-old student who, on occasion, with his mother’s blessing, I’d drag out of bed in the morning and take to class; a friend I’d gone to school who I’d visit in Edmonton when we were younger; a 45 year old construction colleague, with whom I’d shared different projects and sailed the Mediterranean while on vacation, plus other friends and acquaintances.

In our discussion I leaned toward the futility of it all, as it is treated by society at this point in our evolution.

The human being that relieves the single issue that pushed a person wanting to finally call it quits, has to realize the whole situation is much, much more complicated than stopping a suicide.

You’ve just had a baby, friend. 

The suicide survivor may talk the talk and walk the walk of a “normal” human but it doesn’t mean he/she’s any more content. Of course you can’t make blanket statements, unless it’s about your spouse.

A construction colleague’s nephew, a former friend of my son’s, from the north, only shot off the lower part of his face and was saved (success? failure?). After much serious counseling, a year and a half later he finished the task.

(success? failure? tragic? reality?)

This is not a personal suicide note.

  

It’s just what came from my pen when put to paper after talking with my wife and envisioning what they might have been thinking.

To Rodney, Joey, Carmen, Jobie, Jimmy, Yusapie and Siesie

 Not forgotten.

A note to a suicide prevention worker

Of course it matters.

Any attempt to make contact, matters.

I appreciate your reaching out.

Do you understand?

Do you understand where I am?

Do you know how long I’ve felt like this?

Do you know the darkness, the loneliness, the depth?

Do you have the stain of suicide, on your heart?

Because if you don’t, I will know and

your educated words will be hollow,

like a culvert in a ditch,

empty with some undisturbed silt at the bottom.

Of course you care.

Thanks!

You offer encouragement.

We can win this game.

Things always look darkest before the dawn.

And you’re convinced that things are getting better.

Because I told you that

I am feeling better.

It’s what you want to hear.

It’s what they want to hear.

Then I can get back to what I was doing,

in my abandoned prairie farmhouse

with a cold, north-west wind

whistling through the forgotten window cracks.

Of course I need a reason to live.

That's pretty deep.

Will a course on horticulture do the trick?

Or, perhaps a book.

I can pretend to be joyous and happy,

though it is difficult to do while crying.

Say,  3 weeks ? 6 months ?  more?

Because I’ve been doing this, my entire life.

I can't make it too long though.

My relationship with self is bleak.

The balance is finally at peace,

the pendulum is slowing

and of course, I’d just as soon stop.                                                                                    

dW

The Garage Door Opener

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 by donald Whyte

Operating the modified garage door opener or (the spring is broken and I gotta go)

TOOLS REQUIRED:             -steel pry bar – 5’ long. (heavy and difficult to maneuver)

                                                -Solid, 12” high strong thing, that will stand on it’s own.

                                                -Stepladder - 6'

                                                -4 pieces scrap 12” long (aprox.) 2 x 4 s.

   (if you don’t have any scrap 2 x 4 then you might
   have to buy an 8’ long piece and make some scrap.
   If you have to buy one, you’ll need a saw.
   (See, "Cutting your board in two," on pg. 43)
   Do not try and break it. You could except it's very
   messy. I should know.

Step 1 – Decide if you really do want to open the door. Studies have shown that if you
            wait an hour, the feeling will pass.

Having decided that it’s a really nice day and would be a crime if you didn’t take the bike out, proceed as follows:

Step 2 – Using the heavy steel bar, that you had to search ½hr. for and found, on the

second visit to the shed on the other side of the lot, you lug your Morley sins to the heavy, one piece, wood and steel door. Once at the door, drive the pry bar under the bottom edge to pry it up an inch. This will loosen it from the steel lip embedded in the concrete floor that is keeping you from sliding the bar completely under the door. You’ll probably damage the door doing this but that’s all part of the “things wear out” cycle. You’ll get over it.

Step 3 – Once you are able to get the pry bar under the door, take 2 pieces of 2 x 4,

place one under the pry bar to act as a fulcrum in prying the door up and one to slide under the door.  While your prying the door up you must shuffle your feet in such a manner as to position the second 2 x 4 into place under the door to keep the door a hard fought 1½" off of the floor slab.

Step 4 – the action of the door opening will increase now, due to the door being clear of

the steel lip and you being able to put the pry bar freely under the door. Take two pieces of 2 x 4 and repeat step 3, placing the pry bar on top of the two 2 x 4 s and shuffle the other two 2 x 4 s, stacked one on top of the other, until they are in place under the door. This might take more than one try because the  2 x 4 s tend to fall apart as you shuffle. It’s a little bit like playing soccer and the piano at the same time. Practice, practice, practice.

Step 5 – You will now be able to pry the door without using a fulcrum. Have on hand a

 box or milk crate or something fairly strong to support the door during this step.

 Do not use a cardboard box as this may possibly collapse causing injury and
             I can not be held responsible for such silliness during this operation. I used
             an old piece of steel column welded to a flat plate. Use you imagination.

Place about 1/3^rd of the pry bar under the door and lift the length of the bar remaining on the exterior. Once you’ve lifted the door a little higher than your box or whatever, shuffle the box under the door. A new dance step might be in order. (Remember, practice!)

For the next step, if you haven’t been eating your Wheaties, now would be a good time to go have a bowl.

Step 6 – This step started out as a “garage door opening maneuver” coined by the

Industry, the “clean and jerk”. It later evolved into a sporting competition where participants would mimic the act of opening a “sticky garage door with a broken spring” using barbells.

You should now have an approximate 12” high support under the center of the door. Be careful that you are lifting in the center of the door because if you’re not, the door might twist, causing the wheels to come off of the door and the whole assembly collapsing onto your prize whatever ( a handsome Italian motorcycle, in this case, to go with it's somewhat lacking owner. A guy's gotta have some aids to help him age gacefully) you were protecting in the garage in the first place. It always helps to have some tension and suspense in the operation otherwise you might be tempted to break into that case of beer.

Now for the last step it’s important to have your stepladder close at hand.

No, you’re not going to climb it to establish a better vantage point.  It’s your 6’ high, self- standing center support that won’t fall over, like perhaps a stick of wood might.

Now approach the door and squat in a lifting position that would do Workers Compensation proud. Grip the bottom of the door and with determination, lifting in a fluid motion, using your legs, then arms, pull the door to shoulder height level. (The Clean).  Finish by lifting the door as high as you can above your head (The Jerk). That’s for sure. This is much more difficult than the Olympic sport because the Olympians get to straighten their arms to finish the lift. You won’t able to because the door’s not that high, so with your arms half extended, holding this blasted door over your head, coax the ladder to it’s appropriate position. This is easier said than done.
 You'll probably have to rest the door on the top of your head briefly to complete the negotiation. You could tape a piece of Styrofoam to the top of your head (that would light the neighbours) but a winter tuque should suffice and be less conspicuous. If you're short you'll probably have to rest the door on your head until the blood and strength comes back to your arms and then hold the door open with one arm and shuffle your dance partner into place with the other.
You must only believe that it is possible.

There, the door is now open. You’ve got a ladder in the middle of the opening but it’s open.

This is fine if you’re only bringing a motorcycle out. If it were a car, you would have to proceed to step seven, Installing 2 x 4 supports on each side of the door. ( I haven't written it yet) You can now go for a nice, (relatively) warm, early spring ride. Once returning home and parking the bike in the garage you are faced a decision. Are you going to close the door or not?

I judged that with a choice between leaving the door open and possibly having my 2 bikes and all my mechanic tools stolen or opening the door again, I threw a blue tarp over the bike and left it open.

dW

-I’m still waiting for my 2 garage door specialists to come home and finish the job of dismantling and reassembling the spring (after a fashion).